Marriage With The Blessings Of Parents

We commend the regret and remorse you have for maintaining an illicit relationship. This is indeed a great blessing from Allah Ta’aala that He grants us the ability to mend our ways and come clean. You were correct in being transparent with your parents as hiding such a relationship will have only made matters worse.

Dear brother, you need to trust the judgement of your parents. Your parents know you best and if they feel you are immature or not capable of looking after a wife, then you need to take their advice on board and make an effort to prove to them that you are in fact ready and capable. Marriage is the correct way to curb carnal desires and it saves one from a great deal of Haram. However, at the same time, it’s a great responsibility which should not be taken lightly. Unfortunately, many times youngsters rush in to marriage having underestimated the responsibilities marriage and this hastiness causes divorces which results in unpleasant events unfolding, unpleasantries that no parent wishes to witness for their child.

However, if you genuinely feel you are ready for marriage after having thought about it properly from all angles, then you need to sit down and discuss this pertinent issue with your parents. Masha’Allah, your intention is pure and noble, that is why it is imperative you discuss with your parents that getting married will save you from sin and falling into an illicit relationship. Explain to them the importance of marriage and how marriage becomes necessary in certain cases where one is struggling to contain his desires without falling prey to Zina (fornication) and other vices. You can also explain to them how prolonging the marriage will affect your life and impede in improving your progress in terms of Din and your relationship with Allah Ta’aala. Seeking the help of a local Alim or Mufti whom your parents respect to act as an intermediary can help this process if you feel you are struggling to express your feelings in front of your parents.

In the meantime, it is vital you terminate all communication with the woman you wish to marry if you have not done so already. Not being able to marry due to circumstances is not an excuse to maintain an illicit relationship. Allah B has guided you towards being consciousness regarding forming and maintaining an illicit relationship, to now ignore that guidance from Allah Ta’aala will be a very high form of ingratitude.

We understand your predicament and the fact that you feel that this is the woman you wish to marry and spend the rest of your life with. However, we urge you to keep a distance by cutting all forms of communication with her, whether meeting physically or via other methods of communication until a way forward has been agreed upon mutually between you and your parents. Keeping your distance and not maintaining the relationship will also display your sense of responsibility and maturity to your parents. If you are struggling to contain your desires and the withdrawal is proving too difficult, then practice upon the following Hadith of Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam and find a Shaykh with whom you are compatible with, he will be able to guide and assist you in this regard:

Translation: Oh gathering of young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and more safeguarding of one’s chastity; but whoever is unable (to afford getting married) should observe fast for it is a means of diminishing (sexual desires).

We make Dua to Allah Ta’aala and hope in His mercy that He opens up the doors for you and grants you a solution which is both pleasing to you and your parents. Adopt Taqwa, seek forgiveness from Allah Ta’aala in abundance and continue making Dua, Allah Ta’aala will most definitely open the way for you and show you the fruits of you undergoing hardship in this World and the Hereafter.